I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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