Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
