Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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