Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
