Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize