if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
