I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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