Do you still have your period?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
