What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
