Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
