girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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