I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I checked into jail on foursquare
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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