Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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