I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
