we're blogging at a bar
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
