That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Randomize
