You work out of a Hotel?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize