im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
