I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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