my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
