shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I think my vagina is haunted
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
