Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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