I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
