I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
