i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
