I could make wine with my vomit
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
