just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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