may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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