I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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