do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
