you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
