just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just want nice things and good sex
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
