There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
