I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
