nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
