He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
