Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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