when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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