I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
