I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
