i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
