I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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