just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
