my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
