I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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