Fuck appropriateness.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
