I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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