I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
