Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
