Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
