remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
