I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
