I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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