just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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