Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize