those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
