I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
