Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize