in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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