I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
