Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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