No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
