first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
