I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he was CRYING into my vagina
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
