it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
