And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
