one two three fourrrrnication!
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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