You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
